A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet special look into the mind of Tucker

A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet ... special look into the mind of Tucker

Monday, May 9, 2011

Motherhood. Or At Least What I've Gathered.

My mom is in Rexburg helping my sister take care of my brand new niece, and as such, I am the newly instated mom.

Motherhood tips from Tucker

1. Sesame Street is your friend.

2. So is Caillou and Curious George and The Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About That and pretty much channel 8 in general.

3. Wall Murals = BAD

4. Especially in Sharpie

5. If you don't feed the children, there is less poop to clean up.

6. It doesn't matter if the outfit matches. Or even if it belongs to that particular child. If the covering does its job and covers the child, that is good enough.

7. Naptime is your friend.

8. Pull-ups are your friend.

9. Pull-ups are your enemy if the child leaves a ......ahem... used.... pull-up in a corner where it quickly acquires mold in something that looks like a fungal carpet....

10. Letting the child go over to a friend's house is a very good decision.

11. Do not just look at the stuttering 4 year old uncomprehendingly and say yes. He might be asking if he can eat every fruit snack in the house.

12. Muddy buddies (puppy chow) are bad for breakfast. Mainly because they get EVERYWHERE. Whoever invented powdered sugar did NOT think of the eventuality of children scattering it everywhere.

13. Also don't leave the muddy buddies in a highly accessible spot, such as the counter. I recommend an armored vault.

14. Don't expect to get anything done. At all.

15. Don't leave the staples out. They'll get all over, and you'll bloody up your foot.

16. Bloodied up feet make bigger messes, so just keep the staples out of reach.

Also if you are my mom reading this while you are away in Idaho, I'm kidding. It's all in jest.

To anyone else...


Help.

4 comments:

  1. dear tucker, would you like to come to dinner? you may bring the children. i am not kidding. clothes need not match. my husband is a wound care specialist and can take a look at the bloodied feet if necessary. just don't bring puppy chow...

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  2. Love it. There are so many things that can happen when Mom leaves the house... :D
    Can't wait to see you this weekend at the farewell!! I hope you have time to write your talk in the midst of all this mothering you've got to do. :)

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  3. Great experience for you to have. This is only a SMALL taste of what mothers have put up with. I can even recall some events from years ago that may have included you... Looking forward to seeing you this weekend. LOVE

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  4. Tuck, all I can say to this is...your Mom is so incredibly blessed to have a son like you that she could even THINK of leaving the smaller kids with while she was away. Good for you. Yes, this Motherhood thing is tough, and there are any number of things that can go wrong at any given moment. I'm sure you're doing a bang up job. Oh, and as far as sharpie on the wall, try magic eraser....it works well.

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