A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet special look into the mind of Tucker

A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet ... special look into the mind of Tucker

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I Have a Dream.......

It's kind of a weird dream.... but I dreamed it nonetheless.

Here's how it's gonna go down.

He's gonna be a mid-twenties man with waist length dreadlocks.
He's going to be sitting at his computer.
I'm going to enter his house stealthily and creepily, tiptoing down the never-ending linoleum hallway.
I'll poke my head around the corner Three Stooges style, and as I lay eyes upon him in his little computer nerd nook, I shall contemplate the plan.
After the plan has been carefully contemplated, I shall revel in the last drop of suspense like a pig in a mud wallow.

I shall approach the target with much stealth and/or sneakiness.



I shall heft my fire extinguisher, and carefully unlatch the black nozzle hose thing.





I'm gonna pull the ring (FINALLY. IT HAS TEMPTED ME FOR YEARS)






I'm gonna aim that nozzle. I'm gonna aim it true.






I'm gonna SQUEEZE that handle. I'm gonna squeeze it like it neva' been squozen 'afore.



I'm gonna sweep that nozzle from side to side, and smother his entire unwashed mass of hair in luxurious white foam.




And I'm going to pull a ragged piece of paper out of my left butt pocket, and I'll scan down the bucket list to the third from the bottom.

And I'll check that box labeled "Douse hipster in fire extinguisher foam."

Then I'll walk away.



With this look on my face.

3 comments:

  1. 17 gold stars to anyone who was thinking of the Tangled song when they saw the title. 17. HUZZAH.

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  2. I used a fire extinguisher when Becca set the stove on fire... IT WAS AWESOME.

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