A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet special look into the mind of Tucker

A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet ... special look into the mind of Tucker

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

What NOT to do When Trying to Impress a Woman

As I've said before, BYU is a place of love. A place of tender, tender love, and with the last day of classes rolling around, people are starting to get that "last chance" mentality. This is full of amusement for me and anyone who happens upon one of these "last confessions."


In fact, it's even more amusing when the man who desperately needs to confess his love accidentally sends the letter to the entire social dance class. Wait did I say accidentally? Oh, that was just the sane person inside of me. He KNOWINGLY sent an email that went out to the ENTIRE MOTHER-LOVING CLASS... You know what? I'll just let you read for yourself the email I received.

(name has been changed)

Hey Hanna, 

This is Doofus Mcgee from class. I know the majority of our class will get this email, but I felt like I have to say something. I know I should have just asked you in person, but I'm really acting out of desperation now because I didn't talk to you myself. But I am a bit of a sucker for brunettes... From the beginning of the semester and even until now, I've felt like you would be somebody I would really like to get to know better. I feel like such a goon for resorting to something like this, when usually I have no problem approaching girls. But what I'm trying to say is, you've had an impression on me and I feel like I want to explore it. However, since the time I asked you to dance with me for the Fox Trot, and you said you were already dancing with someone else, I thought that was my que to leave you alone. But the more I was around you, the more inclined I was to try something with you, but the doubt still remained. I like you.....thats what I'm trying to say. I didn't want to end the semester without telling you. Please respond and don't be afraid to tell me how it is. you can respond to me at DoofusMcgee30@hotmail.com or find me on facebook. I'm from West Jordan, Ut if that helps. Thanks

Doofus Mcgee



The scary part about this is he was SERIOUS. he was serious folks. (also, he's stupid. You can isolate who you send the email to via the class email list.... way to impress the ladies bro.) He tried to confess his love over email. This.... THIS IS A PROBLEM.

Like I said before, "FOOL! THIS IS NOT HOW YOU ROMANCE A WOMAN. ROMANCING A WOMAN ENTAILS MULTIPLE STRINGED INSTRUMENTS (quartets are nice, but ukuleles suffice) AND ALSO TENDER LOVE SONGS BY ELVIS. OR ARMI JA DANNY."

I have therefore decided that the men of BYU need romance lessons from me. 

(Hint: turtlenecks=seduction)

(Other hint: KIDDING)

Here's the deal brethren. Don't suck. In romance or other areas of life. If you get the urge to email your secret love about your tender feelings for her, don't. Text messaging is not any better. I can feel this evolving into a romance help session, and actually that would be a pretty hilarious post, so if you have any questions for me, by all means. Ask.

Really. 

Email: romanceproblemsolving@gmail.com

4 comments:

  1. Is that real? And he quoted Tangled so clumsily? Moment wasted.

    ReplyDelete
  2. At BYU-I we called the last week of finals 'booty week.' I love how he added, "I'm from West Jordan, Ut if that helps." It helps, but only in explaining his lack of social skills.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I honestly don't know what your talking about! This is actually the work of a subtle mastermind. Face to face contact is overrated! If I ask her out electronically it makes the whole thing much more efficient! I can be romantic while still powning noobs on Call of Duty. If i had it my way we would just call each other for our date! and then if she wants to she can come over and we can make out while i freaking dominate all those who dare stand in my way.
    -Dallin a.k.a. the lady killer-

    ReplyDelete
  4. It's a good thing you will return about the same time as "the lady killer' because I do eventually want grandchildren from him. You will have to set up a class when you get home!!

    ReplyDelete