A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet special look into the mind of Tucker

A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet ... special look into the mind of Tucker

Monday, April 25, 2011

Welcome Home Tucker!

So I arrived home in Arizona late Friday night. The flight was QUITE interesting, but it's kinda a geography experience (which means you had to be there) so I won't go into it, but suffice it to say that SkyMall is amusing at best.

Saturday, my mother took me to get some of the necessary raiment for my mission, and we pulled into the parking lot and walked into the small store. We took the number 28 and looked around looking for items I would need, pointing to some.things in Espanol (which I will be speaking on my mission) and generally just waiting for our number to be called.

If you know what Beehive Clothing or a Church Distribution Center is, imagine this happening there. If you don't, pretend I didn't say anything.

Our number ended up being called and we walked up to the counter where the woman that was explaining to me all the different styles and fabrics and types of clothing I would need. At one point, she asked me my waist size. I responded with a confident "34"  at which point my mother vocalizes her opinion on how big around my derrière is "32."

I told her how the underwear I wear is size 34. She continued to disagree.

In order to prove herself, she tells me to turn around.

I will never. EVER. EVEREVEREVER do that again.

As soon as I'm not looking, she starts yanking on the waistband of my pants and perusing her index finger around down in that region.

I (understandably) flipped out a little bit.

I was quite surprised, and as such I jumped. A lot.

Just to give you some perspective, I want to be in the medical field. I have little or no reservation talking about just about anything. I have had lengthy discussions about menstrual cycles, urination, menopause, tampons vs. maxi pads debate, pretty much everything you can imagine that boys hate. I'm also pretty dang hard to embarrass. I don't blush, I don't care, I don't mind.

Except of course when my maternal parent commences with the perusing of the upper buttocks. NOT acceptable.  I know I don't like touching, but that doesn't usually embarrass me, just bug me.

My mom couldn't see what the big deal was as she triumphantly called out 32. (So I don't know my waist size.  I'm a man. Sue me.) The lady at the counter looked even less phased than my mother, and I turned to my mother whispering harshly, "Does no one have any decency in this place?"

My mom retorted condescendingly with "No one even saw."

About thirty seconds of a complete blush accompanied by a sinister frown, the man next to us leans over and whispers, "Totally saw that."

Dear readers. Here's the question. Was this an invasion of privacy? Or was this simply motherly instinct to yank open the waistband of an adult male in public and peruse around inside?


  1. Motherly instinct. My boys are similarly perused on occasion. Pretty funny, though :) And I love that the guy "totally saw that"!

  2. My comment:
    The word is fazed.
    My second comment:
    Let the people decide.

  3. sorry, motherly instinct! she's probably been doing that since you were two. habit;)

  4. I agree that it's an invasion of privacy. Unfortunately, it's also one of those inevitable things about life that will never ever ever change. It's a universal "mom" thing.

  5. Well I am a mom and I could see where this would get weird! My kids are toddlers but if my mom ever whipped open the back of my shirt to find the size width of my bra I would be mortified! Invasion of privacy when you are an adult now!

    Sorry Jen I still love you and your blog!! But stay out of your sons pants!! Ok that sounds bad but you know what I mean! He's an adult now and if he wants a size 34 pant then let it be!

  6. Let's just say that I can see myself doing the same thing...

    Force of habit, I guess.


  7. Tucker, Tucker, Tucker....when will you learn to never question your mother? Probably about the same time you learn what size your waistband is!

  8. The Mom is always right. Especially if she's a good one, and she is.

  9. Okay, I know it is going to seem like I'm the voice of contention here, but my son probably would have walked out and refused to acknowledge we were in the same country much less related if I ever tried that on him.
    So......sorry Jen, I'm going to have to side with the kid on this one. I say let the boy wear underwear too big or too small and next time he'll know. Two years with baggy shorts won't kill him. Two years with too tight shorts is not a good. Either way, lesson learned.
    Now, having said that, there's no reason not to know your correct underwear size.
    Good luck on your mission.

  10. Sorry Tuck - you lose. At least she didn't slip you a quarter.

  11. In my defense, I have worn 34 size underwear many times before.

  12. I'm going with your mom here. Just open up your waistband and look. Voila. Problem solved--and correctly I might add.

    Of course you must understand...This is being written by a mother though who has pulled up her kids shirt to see the bra size we needed. GOI as I would tell me own kids. (Get over it.)

  13. hey my typo makes it sound like I'm Irish!

  14. Sorry Tuc - I would do that to both my boys and Brenn - its at the top of your jeans and Dallin's is always hangin' out there anyway!!

    Still I did laugh, really hard!!

    Love you!

  15. Not an invasion of privacy, because first, till you're paying your own rent you got no privacy from your parents, and second, invasion of privacy would only be like if your mom told everyone about that hairy back of yours that was sticking out when she checked your waistband. I'm just sayin'.

  16. She saw you naked....what's the big deal?

  17. It's hard to let our little boys be men. You will always be our little boys.

  18. Well from my understanding when I went mission clothes shopping, a 32 waist size generally translates to a 34 in dress slacks, so I'm pretty sure you were just factoring that in already to save the lady some time.

  19. My son would have left the store. Might have been a bit more dignified for the "adult child" to go to the dressing room or restroom to double check his size. I can't imagine thrusting my hand in any of my grown kids'clothing without permission, nor would I appreciate it being done to me.

  20. Invasion of privacy no doubt about it.


  21. TOTALLY a Mom thing. But the real lesson to be learned here is....if you woulda just LISTENED to your Mom in the first place, then you wouldn't have had to go through said embarassing moment. Ya big know it all! hehehe

  22. We don't care if it was an invasion of privacy or not, but we have to thank you for the 20 minutes it took to read this, because we were laughing so hard!
    <3 Rachel Gunderson, Lauren Dalton, Erika Crandall & Charly Bollwinkel
    P.S Lauren likes the word perused
    P.P.S Since when is Tucker an adult??