A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet special look into the mind of Tucker

A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet ... special look into the mind of Tucker

Monday, March 7, 2011


Meet Shannon.

She won the stud award here at Maeser Hall last night.

She took every single man in Maeser hall to the beach.

And also one of the guy's girlfriends.... not sure why she was at the hall meeting, except the two of them were kinda cuddling and making out the whole time... Love can't wait ya know?

So every single man in Maeser hall except him.

Per the instructional handout, we all came with a blankie, a pillow and a spoon, and as we all laid down, it started getting more and more cramped.

In fact, it started getting quite squished trying to fit 40 guys in a space about 20 feet across... So picture pigs in a blanket. Except there's lots of blanket, and too many pigs to fit, so the pigs are mainly laying all over, hoping not to rest their heads on something that has recently come into close contact with a toilet seat.

Ethan the resident assistant (pretty much, his job is to be mature, and make sure we don't do anything too stupid. Like poop  I mean defecate... on a car. True story, I'll tell it sometime.) stood up in front of us, and opened up his laptop. He introduced us to Shannon, and I'm pretty sure 60% of my building has a crush on her. I don't think I can describe her accurately... perhaps I'll just show you. Listen to it. All the way through.


Seriously. Listen to it, or the following won't make sense at all.

The majority of everyone was pretty sure Shannon looks like this.

In fact, I looked it up on the website, and .... she looks more like this.

alas........ At least I have my beach...

And the root beer floats afterwards!!!


  1. weird. I'd rather have a retelling of the car . . .

  2. I'm still waiting for the satirical male soprano post you promised me...just sayin' ;)