A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet special look into the mind of Tucker

A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet ... special look into the mind of Tucker

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Relationship Status

Here are the current facebook options for relationship status

  • Single
  • In a Relationship
  • "It's Complicated"
  • Engaged
  • Married

I feel like the entire facebook community's love lives could be sparked with the new innovative statii invented by moi.

  • Single
  • Single, but I have my mother, so that's good.
  • Single, but I don't have my mother. Because she kicked me out of the house when I turned 32
  • Single, but I don't even like people, I'm content with my hermit crabs I keep in my bed.
  • Single, but I kinda like this (tag her here) girl, but she hates my stinkin' guts
  • Single, but I wish (so and so) would understand the phrase Carpe Diem, and pretend that I'm diem.
  • Single, but (so and so) is stalking me, a shrine up in her room and everything. I'm not sure if that counts.
  • I'm waiting for a missionary
  • I am a missionary. 
  • I'm a total bachelor, and I could just change my relationship status every other day, but I'll just keep it at bachelor.
  • In a relationship with mystery person
  • In a relationship with someone who isn't my imaginary friend.
  • In a relationship, waiting for (so and so) to make up their mind
  • In a relationship, trying to make up my mind about (so and so)
  • I'm 12, in a relationship, but it's pretty much fake, and I don't want my parents to know, so I'll put it on my facebook to declare my eternal undying love for my 14 year old girlfriend, because if SHE changes HER relationship status, and I don't, the relationship is over for sure, so it's better that I risk my parents finding out than risk losing her eternalundyingloveforme, and I'd rather DIE than lose her love, because obviouslythisisloveyouknow? Who are you to tell me how I feel?  Whatever man.
  • I'm 30, and I'm in a relationship. I think. I'm not really all that experienced with relationships.
  • I'm in an open relationship. Essentially, I wanna date lots of girls, but kiss just this one. Also maybe some other ones. Maybe.
  • I'm in two relationships. Neither one knows about the other.
  • I'm in 25 relationships. They all know about each other, and they're all fighting each other tooth and nail for a stupid flower. My name is Brad Womack.
  • I'm not in a relationship. Why would you think that? Just because we're holding hands and making out and stuff? That's not what a relationship is. Obviously...
  • We're gonna be engaged, I just know it.
  • Engaged, but he hasn't proposed yet, but we're engaged really.
  • Engaged. she's got a ring and everything.
  • Married
Suggest yours in the comments!


  1. I think this blog post is precisely why they have the "It's complicated" status.

  2. I need one that says "I have a missionary that I really want to marry, but I accept free meals and movies."

    Hannah Done

  3. Hannah's comment is funny.
    But I agree with Myke.

  4. And take off your word verification. It bugs.

  5. Hannah I need one like that too... Only he hasn't left on his mission yet.

  6. Very funny, and Myke's comment is right on target although your idea would be much more entertaining.

  7. I prefer the detail. Love it!