A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet special look into the mind of Tucker

A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet ... special look into the mind of Tucker

Monday, March 21, 2011

My Three Day Weekend All to Myself.

For those who don't know, my mom is a blog-obsessed woman. For years I spurned. I could go and tell the story, but I'll just recommend that you read this post. My first ever. Anyway, so my mom does these little linky parties (which I don't thoroughly understand... All I know is that the hundreds of women that read her blog all send some sort of link to my mom's blog, then they can all read about each other's experiences with children, or whatever my mom's prompt is. The problem with this is that it feels too much like a standardized essay test to leave me feeling warm and fuzzy about the whole experience; however, this once, I feel like I can really contribute. Here's the prompt.

If you had 24 hours all to yourself, what would you do?  Would you go away or stay home?  What if it were 48 hours, then what?  And if it were a whole three-day weekend?  Dream big, people!  I want to hear.  Linky party on Monday.

My mom writes big because she has lots of (with all due respect) old fogies reading her blog.

Well friends, I am here to tell you what I would do with my three day weekend. 

But first a question. Do I have homework? 

For the sake of entertainment, I will say no, because if I had homework, I'd just do it, then the weekend would be over, and my post would be approximately 100 words long. 90 of which mock my mother's blog script size. 

Which really isn't all that funny to start with.

Ok so now that I've cleared up the issue of homework, I will plan my weekend of lonely but blissful time to myself.

Well, what I like to do with my time alone is... uh.... 

Since when have I ever had time alone anyway? I have like 7 jillion and 12 siblings, and now 5 other guys in my apartment and another 50 guys running in and out of the building...

But IF I had time alone...

Well to start with in my perfectly alone world, I would play ukulele, because ukuleles are cool, and contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be a huge Tongan to play one.

Well.... after my fingers hurt from playing Audrey so much (Audrey is my ukulele.) I would probably peruse google images for amusing things.

While on Google images, I will learn one important thing, and it is this.

No matter WHAT you google, you will get 3 things.

1. Lolcats. I really can't explain it. You have to see for yourself... scroll down at your own peril.  http://icanhascheezburger.com/

2. Scantily clad celebrities. I just don't understand.... why would we WANT to look at Rosie O'Donnell in a swimsuit? WHY???

3. the thing you're looking for.

After that portion of my weekend is over, I will probably play guitar. And also sing at the top of my lungs. And also dance a little jig. And also finally succumb to the fact that if I don't see another human being soon, I will explode.

Bad news. They're all gone.

This is becoming very reminiscent of a movie...

Since I'm the last guy on earth, and I don't even have a German Shepherd, I'll probably just outfit the place I live with awesome explosives of terrifying magnitude, killer lights of blinding death, armored doors with no doorknobs, and also many guns littered around the house.

Heritage is going to be a minefield, good luck getting in you dumb zombies. Also, I think I will change Maeser Hall into a castle. With boiling oil to pour down upon all invaders. And a moat. To drown invaders.

Also, these fortifications are completely useless, because there's no one else on the earth. So it's gonna be kinda like preparing for war with the neighbors, and you wait and wait for the kids to come out so you can pelt 'em with your arsenal of lemony death, but turns out that neighbor kid is playing World of Warcraft. Again.

So it's Saturday morning, and I have exhausted my avenues of creativity....

Now that everyone's gone do we still have Google? 


  1. I can tell you love your mom so very much! :) I like the ukulele too. But, being one of those "old fogies" my arithritis wouldn't allow for it. :) And I too love to peruse the internet, except that it just doesn't broaden my mind. It also broaden's my deriere if I sit for too long. :)
    It must be spring break there. Power down that PC and go stick your face in the sun and have some fun! Enjoy your spring break!Love the name of your blog!~Ames

  2. Of course we still have Google. Duh.

    And don't be mocking the font. I brought you into this world . . . .

  3. You took your word verification off! I forgive your mocking tone.

  4. OH.MY.WHERRRRD! I seriously just peed my pants. You are retarded hilarious sometimes Tuck tiddly Tuck. That said...no mocking your Mama and her font.

  5. HEY!!! I need that bigger font bucko!!!