A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet special look into the mind of Tucker

A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet ... special look into the mind of Tucker

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Mormon Mocha

The last few days have been quite crazy. It seems every day I have another assignment that MUST be completed by the next day.

The crazy part is I always remember between 10-1130 pm the day before it's due.

This results in Tucker staying up very late to finish his mother-lovin' projects. Mission prep kept me up on Monday night, Chemistry on Tuesday, and tonight it was Econ. Curse you Kearl. Curse you and your 18 page homework assignments......... So as you may know if you know me personally, I need my sleep. I like to sleep. I get loopy when I'm tired and start laughing at things that aren't funny and don't make sense. This is bad for my H.Q. (Humor quotient) and as such, I cannot function without a little... boost.

You people are probably thinking about coffee, well, I don't drink coffee. Members of my church do not drink coffee, and I never have never will; however, I must not fall asleep in chemistry again! How do I stay awake? I tried pinching myself (I'm reluctant to pinch myself, and as such, fell asleep anyway) sitting in the front row (which can get you called out by the professor, because it doesn't actually help you stay awake) and I thought I was running out of options.

Then a small candle came on in my brain. (light bulbs are too newfangled for a poor college student to afford) I could just have something to munch on! But I couldn't bring carrots or celery... that wouldn't keep me awake! Obviously I needed something more........ potent.

*cue evil smile*

I walk into my classroom confident and secure in my 3 hours of sleep, and I sat down in my usual spot, plopped out my notebook onto the rickety fold-out desk and readied my pen.

I immediately started getting drowsy.

I reached my hand into the crinkly confines of the smallest pocket of my backpack and withdrew my hand concealing a magic solution to all drowsiness...

A flash of brown wrapper is revealed in between my scrunched fingers.

I shove a snall pellet into my mouth.

The caramelly goodness assaults my tongue with a subtle nutty flavor. A beautiful chocolate blend surrounds it all. That's right. Snickers. Snickers is going to solve all my sleep problems.

I sit all the way through chemistry without falling asleep at all.

Chewing. Chewing.

I take a peek into the special candy pocket of my backpack, and realize I've cruised my way through 82.4% of the bag of fun size Snickers.

A couple hours later I walk into my apartment and deposit the empty Snickers bag into the overflowing garbage can, and reach into my closet for a bag of Milky Ways to keep me going through history.

This is the best idea I ever had. Besides flying backpacks. That one is freakin sweet.


  1. Love it.
    Sorry you inherited the sleep gene. So sorry.

  2. Just say hello to the freshman 15!! Just kidding! Love you

  3. Umm...I have an idea. How about you use that butt book of yours to remember things. And also, get some sleep. Preferably before Sunday. :) I prefer you conscious. ;)

  4. I inherited the sleep gene from Mom too... Maybe I should try the sugar thing. The peanuts in Snickers provide protein for my baby, right? ;)

  5. Sounds like you got mine and Grandpa Olsen's candy gene.

  6. You know what else helps you stay awake? hot cinders.