A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet special look into the mind of Tucker

A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet ... special look into the mind of Tucker

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Water Polo

When I think of Water Polo, I think of this.

And when my roommate asked if I wanted to join the intramural team, I was worried about three things. My posterity, my life, and how my Utahfied legs would look in a Speedo. When I showed up, I was ... a bit surprised.

Water Polo in INNER TUBES!!! Why didn't I think of that? Keeps everyone safe from the vicious underwater combat -- which can seriously ruin your life -- keeps anyone from traveling at a speed faster than approximately .06 meters per hour (that's meters), and makes sure the people who can't swim aren't excluded from the beautiful sport of water polo.

But this isn't quite the water polo I thought of. There is a rule governing combat.

It's called, "The You are Completely Unallowed any Kind of Combat" rule.

No touching. No waving your arms in their face. No grabbing tubes. No surreptitious dunking of annoying girls, (ps it's co-ed) no pile drives to the face, no elbows the face, no knees to their groin, no bumper boats.

Yes. You heard me correctly.  Shoving their tube with your tube is against the rules.

So last night we had a game. I was watching from the side, and my roommate Josh was guarding a ridiculous woman. Every two seconds "He's touching me!!!" "He's pushing my tube!" "He said stupid!!!" "He looked at me with contempt in his eyes!!!!!!!!!"

I wished right then and there that this was real water polo. Just so I could pinch her super super super super SUPER hard under the water. Pinch her so hard she would cry for mercy.

Squeaky wheel gets the grease, but it also gets pinched.


  1. no contact? i don't think i could play a sport like that.

  2. I was laughing the entire time. Mostly during the first paragraph. & if girls don't want contact, they shouldn't play.... Pansies ;)

  3. I refuse to be censored, Mubarak!