A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet special look into the mind of Tucker

A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet ... special look into the mind of Tucker

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Social Dance: Horror Stories from the East Ballroom. Episode one: Copping a Feel

Social Dance 180 has a certain reputation at BYU.

You don't go to dance if that's what you're thinking.

So I actually like to dance, and I actually enjoy being in that class.

I think I'm in the minority.

So the first couple days we learn about dance position, and how to hold the girls hand like a hangar, and how to put your palm on her shoulderblade, how she's supposed to put her hand on your deltoid, and you dance, it's not that difficult.

Looking at some of the girls I dance with, it's that difficult.

I have had girls put their right hand in mine, then proceed to place their left hand on my right pectoral. NOT ok honey. Really not ok. She claims she missed, I claim I was sexually harassed, nobody can prove anything. So we move on. A couple partners later, this other girl is squeezing the life outta my left hand. Like no more life is left, that is how hard she squozed it. Then, (to make things worse) she proceeds to grab my right bicep with reckless abandon and start squozing that too. WHOA HONEY NO SQUOZING IN THAT LOCATION. I gently and calmly corrected her horrible form, and put it back on my deltoid. She's a physiology major. You'd think she knows where the deltoid is, but no.

Don't get me wrong, there are some nice, kind girls in there, and all of them have sweet spirits.

But here's the deal, I need my space. I realize we're dancing together, I realize my muscles are nearly irresistably alluring; however, this does not mean touch them whenever you get the freakin' urge. Use some common sense, and Kailey... you are a kind person. You should not caress my face ever again. I realize I did not shave this morning, I realize you have not seen stubble in a month, no you cannot touch it, move along.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: IF YOU WANNA COP A FEEL, WARN ME SO I CAN RUN.

My name is Tucker Denton, and I approve this message.


  1. Let me know if I need to beat anyone up ;)

    And I approve this message as well.

  2. Still laughing.
    But I think you mean hanger, not hangar. Look it up.

  3. Bahahahahahahaha. Oh Tucker. Try Beginning Ballroom at ASU--I promise it'll make you appreciate your sweet spirits more.

  4. "sweet spirits"!!??? What can you expect if you put such a good lookin guy in will all that sweet stuff?

  5. Oh, I needed that belly laugh! Thanks, Tucker :) You had to know what you were signing up for... co-eds... byu... hello! A guy who enjoys the dancing, though IS a rare commodity... they were just taking the upper hand to throw you off so they weren't caught off guard, like with the partner they had previously!

  6. Oh Tucker. Tucker. This was so simply fabulous. Thank you for the laugh. You absolutely slay me with your non touching and such. Good thing you've got everything covered.

  7. Tucker, you are a fabulous dancer- I would know.

  8. hey, this is Benji, and i feel like a housewife saying this or even posting, but i kinda feel where you're comin from. At stake dances, dancing with people you don't know doesn't always end well.