A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet special look into the mind of Tucker

A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet ... special look into the mind of Tucker

Monday, November 22, 2010

The Ring Stand

I work at the BYU Bookstore, specifically in the Candy Counter. The Candy Counter is situated in the exact center of the Bookstore. This means we see hundred of people pass daily. There are some pretty funny overheards, but several of them are heard from one little pole. It's two feetish in diameter. Why, you ask, do couples come to this obscure pole next to the Candy Counter?

There is a key ring.

On this key ring are lots of other rings.

They have little numbers on them, and that number is something every man must know before he proposes.

Ring size.

All KINDS of fun stuff happens at this little pole. One guy was trying to find his size, and his finger got stuck. It was in the middle of lunchtime, so people were all over the place, and this guy is stuck to the ring stand. Fortunately, somebody had butter (WHY??) and the day was saved, but that's not even the best story.

As you can imagine, we are (probably) the only place on campus you can find out your ring size, and often I see a man and a woman come up to the pole all smiley and happy. There are times however, that the reaction is a bit different.

One guy comes walking past the Candy Counter. He's a regular. I don't know his name, but I always see him holding hands with a VERY attractive girl. He subtly (as an ox landing on your grass hut) directs the young lady he is holding hands with towards the pole. She (seeing the ox landing on her grass hut) edges away towards the book section. He non-chalantly ( about as chalantly as a guy wearing a neon green shirt, purple parachute pants, and a rainbow wig) asks her, "So baby... what's your ring size?"

"No. We're not doing this right now."

"Come on baby, just for fun!"

"David, no!"

"Just for fun baby!" (She's not stupid, and realizes the only fun that's gonna come from this involves one knee, and a huge decision)

"David, really, let's leave."

"Oh come on please baby?" (Not only is he as subtle as an ox, he's about as smart as one too.)

"David! Really. I'm not doing that. Not now, not later, give it a rest."

Ever persistent...

"Baby I'm not gonna buy you a ring! I'm just curious."  (I'm not over-exagerrating the "baby" usage. You'd think this guy was Justin Bieber if he talked like a girl and flipped his hair to the side every 3 seconds.)

"David, I'm going to class. Bye."

I never saw him holding hands with her again.


  1. Oh the lessons you will learn from your candy counter vantage point... like

    1) carry butter, "just in case" and
    2)a desperate ox isn't so attractive...

    that's quite a valuable education you are receiving!
    ...wow... a ring sizer station... hahaha!

  2. Remind me to protect my grass hut.
    Good one, T.

  3. Awwkkwardd!! That poor girl. That poor hut. You need to set up a camera there or something to capture all the hilarity!

  4. funny story. so last night, me and the other refugees here at the Bishop's house for some reason were talking about what the heck is a girl supposed to do when she suddenly finds herself with a guy on one knee who she doesn't want to be with. and somehow we were talking about ring sizes too, so i read this post to them, and they thought it was hilarious. and they even commented that you are a "REALLY good writer." they were impressed. just sayin' ;)

  5. Hi, I read your mom's blog daily so now you made it to my list too! :) I hope my son turns out as amazing as you have! Anyway...I once worked in a diamond store so I saw many young oxes and many more pretty ladies dragging unwilling men into my store. One day an older lady came in and asked to see a very expensive ring. She pushed the ring over her knuckles and of course it became stuck. After tugging ang tugging her hand began to swell. I ran to get the Windex which we used in these rare occasions when she lifted the ring to her mouth and started to suck on it. It did come off at that point and she plopped it spit and all in my hand!