A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet special look into the mind of Tucker

A caustic yet humorous, sarcastic yet awesome, satirical yet ... special look into the mind of Tucker

Friday, November 26, 2010

The List

I am stuck.

Stuck at my apartment, no roommates, no schoolwork (which I thought was a good thing at first, but soon realized would've been a very good use of time.) The bookstore was closed because of severe weather (yeah, severe weather my toosh buddy, I'm from Arizona, and I wasn't even cold. Ok maybe a little cold, but it was barely fuzzing (the snowing equivalent of sprinkling. I made it up.)) (Is double parentheses allowed in English? It's allowed in math, and that's good enough for me.) Anyway... So I was planning on working all day Wednesday and Friday, but it didn't really happen. I had no books other than my quad, and I was desperate. As any young man knows (but will never admit) when you are desperate, you go to your mother. Mothers know everything. (Except what they're talking about sometimes, but they'll never admit that either.) Here's what she told me. (Paraphrased) "You should watch Cast Away with Tom Hanks and you can act like him and not shave and write a blog post about your experience alone." Ok.... no. "Problem mother, where am I going ot get Cast Away, everywhere is closed because of (two fingers in the air doing exaggerated quotations) severe impending blizzards. " so she recommended I make a list. A list of stuff you can do when you're left alone. Here's how it flowed from my mind.

1. Netflix
2. Make bacon. Thrice in one day.
3. ummmm write a list of ten things to do.... ok this is failing, oh wait look out the window. IT'S THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER FLOWING THROUGH HERITAGE HALLS!
4. Take your shoes off and wade in said Mississippi River while it is approximately 19 degrees. Farenheit. (-7 ish Celsius)
5. Figure out what the devil is happening by walking upstream.
6. Help girls from your ward frantically trying to get stuff out of the basement (which has 2 FEET of water in it.
7. Nearly get killed by a shattered window imploding from water pressure (Cool? Yeah. Scary? Of course not, I'm a man. True men don't get scared.)
8.  Turn off breakers so as to not get electrocuted by water hitting the outlets.
9. Go home, nurse your frostbitten (not really, I'm taking poetic liscense) feet back to health and make oodles of hot chocolate for displaced girls. Loan them socks.
10. Wish that all the excitment could be a little more spread out so as to not be bored the rest of the weekend.
11. Netflix.
12. Blog about it.

Now what mom?

(Videos of the flood can be found here:  http://www.fox13now.com/news/local/kstu-byu-water-main-break,0,5900801.story)

(P.S. That announcer guy didn't know what the heck he was talking about when he said a foot of water. Had he been in Penrose, he would've screamed for mercy from the 3 feet (Which is what it ended up at before they started pumping) of water coming up to his waist.)

15 if you were wondering.


  1. The internet, it always has the answer (especially when you are bored, then it has a lot of answers, random or not, they are answers).

  2. HELLO!!!!!!! You didn't mention that it was KARLI in the interview! She's famous!

    Have you finished the BoM yet? That was my first suggestion.

  3. 15 seconds to think of all that? And heavens, Tucker, that was nice of you to share socks, but knowing how often you wash your clothes..... ;) i'm sure they weren't that desperate..... :)
    and I like the jono allusion.

  4. 15 parenthetical expressions. And they were clean Carly. New right out of the package.

  5. Oh Tucker....I think this list was pure genius. And, it hade to have taken at LEAST 7 seconds off of your interminably long day. So, that's good. And thank goodness for your gallant efforts to save the girls and warm their feet. You're a TRUE man.

  6. I think English allows the double parentheses, just watch where you put the period.